He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
