They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
