hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Where is the hickey?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
pop tarts are not kleenex
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Randomize
