Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
