I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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