As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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