Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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