U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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