grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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