started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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