I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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