the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize