What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
