dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
