stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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