Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
