i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
