And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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