I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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