so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the liver wants what the liver wants
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
