That's when you crack a 10am beer
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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