So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
