Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize