You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
