matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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