I wish my penis had an off switch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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