Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
