he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
