70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
