i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
