i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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