I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
