If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize