im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
