Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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