you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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