he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
