do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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