He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
