i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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