Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
