Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
