You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
