how can u be prego again
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
