Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
