problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
