I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The struggles of a small town man whore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
