So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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