I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
