Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
