Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
