"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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