Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
