from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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