Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
