guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
