you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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