So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I just sharted jello shots
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize