u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
