I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
