i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
