evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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