I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
