Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
