The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
