my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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