Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
