you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
