I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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