I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize