Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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