at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize